Luke Foster, Psychologist at Lakeside Rooms offers valuable insight into this universal, deeply felt human emotional process.

There’s no “one way” to grieve, no timeline, and the so-called “stages of grief” don’t tell the whole story. Grief is not a train line and it’s not a checklist to tick off. If you’re feeling lost, scattered, numb, angry – or all of that at once – you aren’t broken. You’re grieving, and that’s human.

Forget the “Stages” of Grief – It usually doesn’t work that way

You’ve heard the list: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance. Truth is, they don’t always show up, they don’t follow a neat order, and sometimes they hit all at once. One moment, you’re numb; the next, you’re blindsided by emotion in the middle of the cereal aisle. Some days you’re exhausted, restless, or irritable. Other days you laugh at a memory and feel okay for a moment. All of it is normal.

Grieve in any order, at any speed. You’re still doing it “right.”

Grieving Woman, 5 Stages of Grief — **Why Grief Feels So Damn Hard**

Grief isn’t just sadness – it can affect your appetite, ruin sleep, fog your memory, and hit you physically.
**Mixed emotions:** Sadness and relief. Guilt and gratitude. Anger and love – sometimes in the same hour.
**Cultural pressure:** Someone will suggest it’s “been long enough” or ask if you’re “over it yet.” Ignore them. Your grief, your time.

It’s Not Just About Death, you can grieve after:

Divorce or a relationship breakdown
Losing a pet
Job loss or financial crisis
Health issues or loss of independence
Moving home, leaving a community, missing major life goals
Big global events (anyone read the papers lately?)

Every kind of grief is real and deserving of care.

Does Time Heal? Not Always

Grief may not shrink. What changes is you. You build a bigger life around it.

Picture grief as a stone in your pocket. At first, it’s all you can feel. Over time, your life grows with people, meaning, and experiences. The stone’s still there, but it doesn’t dominate every step. Sometimes it still jabs you, but it’s no longer the whole story.

Forget “Moving On”. Think “Moving Forward”

You can’t erase grief, but you can learn to live alongside it:

Feel what you feel without judgement – tears, anger, numbness, laughter.
Talk about it, if you want – with friends, a therapist, or through writing.
Set small goals – some days, getting out of bed is enough.
Keep the basics in check – eat, sleep, sunlight. Survival is a win.
Create rituals – light a candle, visit a place, say their name, chat to them.
Let others in – even just to sit with you.

Helpful Analogies

The Wave: At first, waves of grief are constant and overwhelming. Over time, they come less often. You never beat the ocean, but you get better at riding it.
The Rollercoaster: At first, the twists and drops are a shock. Over time, you learn the track – even if surprises still come.

When It’s All Too Much

If months pass and you feel stuck, unable to function, or like you can’t find a way back, it could be “complicated” or “prolonged” grief. It’s treatable, and getting support is a sign of strength.

For Supporters – Here’s How You Can Help

Don’t fix – just listen.
Let them set the pace.
Offer presence, not platitudes.
Be patient, even if you don’t understand.
Give permission for every emotion.

Quick Reminders:

Every loss counts. You’re allowed to grieve whatever mattered.
Ignore the “timeline police.” Your grief, your clock.
Feeling bad doesn’t mean you’re failing. Feeling joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten.
Rituals matter – but only yours.